I've Let It All Go. Again.

As one door closes, another opens.

Out with the old and in with the new.

You can listen to this as a podcast here or wherever you love listening to podcasts.

I like change. It fuels my tendency towards curiosity and ignites my creative spirit. There is potential and possibility, opportunity and excitement amidst the turning point of something being one thing, and turning into another. Letting go of the old creates space for something new.

I have an inherent sense of safety and trust within my body, nervous system and mind, which allows me to enjoy change. Perhaps that was instilled in me as a young child - loving, present parents who created healthy attachment so I had the courage to explore beyond the realm of familiarity into the great unknown. To be curious, to explore, to understand that things are constantly moving, knowing that I could anchor back into their safe harbour whenever I needed.

Regardless of where it started, an appreciation and acceptance for change was etched into my life in the form of a newborn baby, plucked from my uterus three weeks prematurely and lain upon my chest. My daughter, now 16, was diagnosed with a complex diagnosis six weeks post emergency evacuation from my womb, and immediately became my greatest teacher.

Her primary lesson? Everything is temporary and constantly changing. Her greatest teaching? Accept change.

As we navigated the world of hospitals, medical intervention, feeding tubes, life saving medications, intubation, and complete separation from the life I’d known before she landed in my arms in the operating theatre, I learnt how to pivot, really really fast. Life took a hard left and I started driving down a road so different to what I ever imagined I would take, but can not longer fathom life, my life, to have been any other way. Nor would I want it to be.

As humans, we have a responsibility to on-board the change-train. Resistance to evolution can cause stagnation which is a recipe for suffering. So I have learnt to love change, and the absolute assurance that things shape shift. And as they do, I can choose to trust in the process, to be curious and open to what awaits when I let the doors close, and step through another. Or, I can get caught in a perpetuating hell of resistance. And why on earth would I opt for that?

My daughter’s complex and ever-changing needs helped me to develop my self-confidence and belief in my inner wisdom. My head brain, heart brain and gut brain became allies. And my intuition became my best friend. Implicit trust lives within me now because of a child who expected me to know beyond the words and walls of the medical world. So when things are ready to change shape, I simply let them.

What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is?’ - Eckhart Tolle.

I have been using Mailchimp for many years to connect with my audience, but Substack has been calling me for a little while now. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps its potential for a wider reach. Perhaps for its potential to earn an income from my writing. Perhaps for ways in which I can share a little with some, and a lot with others. Perhaps I want more people to share my memoir with when it births into the world in the very near future (I am in thick of editing, but, for the most part, it’s written. And that’s pretty bloody exciting).

Whatever the reasons, here I am. I am trusting the desire for change and saying goodbye to Mailchimp. Hello Substack.

But leaning into Substack is just one small fraction of the change that is unfolding in my life right now.

Why this? Why now?

I don’t really understand astrology and numerology, but I do trust and believe that there are astrological influences at play. How can they not be? Every new moon and full moon cycle mine and my daughter’s sleep patterns are wildly disturbed, waking us up at exactly the same times, for days leading in and out of the lunar cycle. I am but a tiny little organism made predominantly of water, earthed to a planet also made of water, that floats in a vast and magnetic universe, where everything is at play.

If you like numerology, you may know that we move through a nine-year cycle, with each year having a specific theme or energy. The concept has its roots in ancient teachings, and, in particular, Pythagorean numerology, which can help us understand life patterns over time, and to track personal growth and life changes.

The changeover from one personal year number within the nine-year cycle to the next begins on your birthday and is calculated by adding the date and month of your birthday, with the total sum of the year. Eg. I am born on the 16th August.

16 / 8 / 2025

1 + 6 / 8 / 2 + 0 + 2 + 5

7 / 8 / 9 = 7+8+9

24 = 2+4 = 6

So I am currently in the latter half of my personal Year 5 and moving into my Year 6 in August of 2025.

A 5 Year is typically associated with change, freedom and adventure. Breaking routines, embracing opportunity, exploring and being adaptable and open to new possibilities. There is often a strong urge for variety - travel, learning new things or life style changes. It can also bring unexpected events but has a strong pull towards breaking free from anything that feels restricted and seeking new experiences.

Last week, I realised that in my personal Year 5 for the last three cycles, I have made huge changes, perfectly aligned with the energy and themes of the 5 Year.

In 2007 I quit my career as an occupational therapist and moved to New Zealand (following love). That set me on a path of a career and life change. I became a mother. Nine years later...

In 2016 I quit my career as an occupational therapist (again) and travelled around Australia with my daughter. That set me on a path of another career change into becoming a yoga teaching, transformational retreat facilitator and healer. Nine years later...

In 2025 I am letting go of all my healing work, retreats and workshops. I am letting go of my identity as a yoga teacher, a retreat host, a healer, an intuitive, a light worker and every other label you have come to celebrate me as. Every sense of self I gave myself, is obliterated into the same nothingness it was born of.

For the first time in my life, I am unemployed and have no creative endeavors in the pipe line. And so, with all this space, all there is left to do, is write.

In the letting go, I am softening physically (thank you perimenopause), emotionally, cognitively and energetically. I am unravelling from the need to be in my masculine to survive, and allowing myself to reclaim my femininity. Soft, fluid, nurtured. The long awaited yin to the yang.

I am trusting, in a way that I have never trusted before. I know that whatever awaits me, I am ready for it. I see these doors closing, and I feel like I’m in the hallway of possibility, waiting for new doors to open.

What does this mean for you? What can you expect?

I am intending to commit to a weekly post/share - whatever is real and true for me at that time. My writing often reflects themes of emotional freedom, health and wellbeing, my personal journey of healing, special needs parenting and spirituality. It might be all of those things and none of those things. I might share random stories from my life, reflections and understandings from whatever I can know.

I live in the now and let things unfold in real time. I am at the grace of truth as it happens. I will share stories that didn’t make the final edit of my memoir and I will share poetry as I am inspired to write it. I am also creating a podcast so will share with you when they are available for your listening. Short, insightful riffs. Just me and the mic. Listen, or don’t. I’m just here because intuition says that’s what I’m to do now.

So, this is me walking through a new door. I am excited to see what’s on the other side, and hope to see a whole bunch of new friends waiting for me. Thanks for being here.

Subscribe

I’m using Substack to explore, create and share. I am excited for a new community and you are so welcome to join me for the ride. I would love for you to subscribe to this space, so you always get notified when I land here.

And if you’d love to support me, you can become a paid subscriber. That kind of support, in the realm of creativity, enables me to keep writing, creating and sharing. I do not have a paywall, and at this stage, I don’t intend on creating extra special content as a way to entice you to pay. It’s just an option for you, if you’re so inclined, to support me in that way. And if not, you’ll enjoy it all for free anyway.

Thanks for being here.

Tanya

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